A peek into the private thoughts of Lisa...

This is a special blog, and a special time, because it marks the first time in my whole life that I've actually written in a journal for more than a day or two, and after 5 months in Panama, have filled a journal.

The night I finished filling my first journal, I had a great time going back and reading snippets of my thoughts, and figured it might make for an interesting blog. So, here are a few peeks into my brain over since August 11th, 2008...

8-14 - We're here! We've done it, and made it through the process of applying, and Staging! It's still a bit unreal to be here and everything has been a blur so far. .... After that, we got to go swimming! Yay! Except that it was also a test - 10 minutes swimming and treading water non-stop and then we had to jump in the pool with our jeans on, pull them off, tie the legs in knots and create a working flotation device with them. I think my jeans won't be dry for months.

8-15 - I cannot speak Spanish.

8-16 - Happy Birthday to me! ... I got my first real unique Panamanian food experience today with chicheme. The best way to describe it is as corn milk. Milk with mashed corn (chunks and all) in it. Milk you chew. Delicious!

8-18 - I think a roach crawled across my neck last night. Something did. And I found a roach on it's back near the bed this morning.

8-20 - Today I was called a bon-bon in the supermarket but I had no idea what the guy was saying until I asked our Spanish teacher..... An off topic note - Ben just told me that he wishes he was covered in those lizards that live on the walls and near the ceiling that eat bugs. I had a hard time writing that because I was and am laughing so hard.

8-23 - Our first session today was about tropical diseases and it was pretty freaky. We also watched a video of PC Panama volunteers removing bot fly larvae from a fellow volunteer. So, if you get bit by a bot fly, they lay eggs in you, and then it grows under your skin. The way to remove it is to put duct tape ont he spot for 24 hours, then when you take it off, it pokes it's head up for air and you have to grab it and pull it out without killing it. Nasty.

8-27 - I saw my first wild monkey today. I was sitting in tech class and saw it before the kids ran up with slingshots.

9-8 - I was just attacked by a beetle. Ack.

9-17 - I am sitting in the Comarca, with pink eye in both eyes and I'm miserable. ..... And we hiked and hiked and hiked up the mountain - then down the side of a muddy cliff to our place. Our family is very, very poor. The house has a zinc roof, but not many walls. There are 10 people living in a space the size of our tech rancho in Santa Clara. We got there, dropped our bags and then started the most (or one of the most) uncomfortable nights of my life. The family just stared. ...My eye started itching this morning at the school and now I feel like there are needles in my eyes. ... The food sucks. Last night I got cold rice with a veggie similar to green beans, and luke warmsoup with a chicken head in it. I have no appetite.

9-21 - But to add insult to injury, or in this case, injury to injury, Ben and I went down to the quebrada to bathe after classes, and just as I stripped down, I slipped on the rocks and fell hard on my arms and back.

10-21 - We've come full circle now - back at Ciudad del Saber - where we started life here in Panama over 2 months ago. We swear in tomorrow, and looking back, 10 weeks really have gone by quickly. ... Two weeks ago now we left for our community partner conference, and it went well. ...Ben and Reinaldo went to the MIDA office to pick up supplies, and Edilsa went to buy chicks, so for a while I was alone in the piquera, but in my time, a boy drew a picture of me standing there and showed it to me. It said - Bei es muy bonita - Bienvenidas. It was cute, and touching. ... We basically live in a cloug forest, and it's neat to watch the clouds and mist roll in and envelope the mountains and the town. ... I think they might only speak Ngobere, which is totally intimidating. How can I work with people I can't communicate with? ... Peeing. Another issue. I always seem to have to go all of a sudden and I feel like my bladder is going to explode. I run to a latrine and nearly pee myself everytime while trying to rip my pants down and squat. Not to mention that the latrines are so full that if you have to go #2 you're likely to get a good dose of splash back.

10-29 - Noteworthy - toilet paper. Here toilet paper sucks. It's 1 ply, and at times resembles swiss cheese. But at the ambassador's house, they have the good stuff. 2 ply (at a minimum). It felt like I was wiping my ass with a towel. I didn't even dare try to flush it as no system here can even handle the 1 ply. ... The family was excited to see us, especially the kids, but they immediately started asking if a bunch of our stuff was for them. They also had their hands on and in everything. We quickly learned that just about everything needs to be out of reach. ... Meetings here last forever and accomplish very little.

10-30 - Today we went to one of Reinaldo's fincas, and we hiked up in the mountains for nearly 2 hours to get to the farm. When we arrived we got to work and they told me to clean up the trash, which was old plants that had been chopped down and died. My tool was a stick.

10-31 - I was thinking about our apartment for some reason, and how great it felt to crawl out of bed and stumble across the carpet and to the bathroom in the middle of the night. ... I'm not sure what the night has in store for us, but I bet it involves white rice.

11-3 - I have a peeing problem. Since being in Panama, the urge to pee seems to attack at once, and now it seems even worse. Up until now usually I could run to the latrine, or somewhere outside, depending on how dark it was, hold it, dance around, try to rip down my pants, and then go. But now I'm not even able to stop myself. Las night I held it, and didn't even know I was going until I felt warm wetness spreading. It's a bit frustrating to feel like a child that can{t control themselves. ... I think I just wiped DEET in my eyes.

11-7 - We went to Guaca to meet with the artisan group there. I kind of learned how to make a chacara. They started the bottom and handed it to me. And boy is it ugly. Really it was a day of being talked about, and not to, and of providing a lot of laughs with my super sucky chacara. My hands are tired and my butt is sore, but I spent a day with the people, and they want me to spend more time with them, so that is a good thing.

11-11 - At one point, one of the men proudly showed us a viper he came across, and killed, when we were all out working in the field. That makes 2 deadly snakes seen in the course of less than a week.

11-15 - Our patience is running thin. Annoyances: 1. Being asked for everything and anything. The neighbor asked for a loan. Everyone wants to use our phones. They want to use our flashlights, etc. 2. No privacy. They are in our side of the house all the time and it's obvious. They come in when we're here and when we're not. Our stuff is moved around. 3. They take and eat our stuff. We came back from David once and were missing half our hangers. Today we're missing a bag of M&Ms and a bag of chips. 4. They're noisy. They wake up at 4:30 a.m. and play music, talk, read aloud, scream, throw things, etc. All noisy. I know there are huge cultural differences, and I remind myself of it, but it's frustrating. We have a lot. A lot more than them. A lot they've never seen, so I want to share, but I can only do so much, and I won't be used either. I here to work. Not give hand outs.

11-17 - The dog would not stop barking last night. And it doesn't just bark, it growls when it barks. I feel like I haven't had a good, restful nights sleep in ages. And the food situation just gets worse and worse. I've woken up in the middle of the night starving. I think malnourishment + no sleep = crabbiness. I don't want to do anything today.

11-21 - I feel like shit. I've now had the shits for 5 days, and I have bouts of nausea and feel weak and irritable. ... Last night around 2 am we had a good scare. A noise woke us up and we couldn't figure out what it was, but them we saw a dog shoving itself through our door. It jumped up on our table, got muddy footprints on all our magazines and books, ate some cookies and them left.

12-1 - 13 days of diarrhea, possible parasites, a bacterial infection in my intestines and 4 days in the hospital and here I am. .. The other news of the trip is that Ben's grandmother, Dorothy, died on Friday nigth. It's been quite a week Stressful, painful and sad.

12-3 - Yesterday I celebrated a small, but important milestone - my first solid poop in 16 days - complete with latrine splashback! ... I hate canned fish. ... I can't wait to have our own place.

12-13 - They've developed a major case of the "we needs." We need food. We're hungry. We need rice, salt, sugar and coffee. Now we need eggs, oil, and bread. Now we need matches, and chicken seasoning and more vegetables. Ben went and bought a lot of food, but they always want more. Their parents better return soon.

12 -19 - Last page! We've been in site for nearly 2 months now. The time is passing by fairly quicly. Things have been rough at times, and great and uplifting at times. I'm glad we're here. I never could have experienced something like this without taking this risk. Peace Corps F@%# yeah!

There it is. A tiny bit of journal number one. Stay tuned!